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Unbreakable Spirit:
Finding Identity as an Orphan and Trans
By Phoebe Li
August 31,
2024
Family and gender identity are often things we take for
granted, woven seamlessly into our lives from the moment we're born.
Many of us grow up in families where love and acceptance are
unconditional, where being the boy or girl we were assigned at birth
is simply a given. But for Ty, these two pillars of existence were
not handed to him—they were battles he had to fight with every ounce
of his being, struggles that defined his journey and shaped his very
soul. Open Arms Ty Tufts was born a biological female in Jiangsu, a coastal province in China. As far as he knows, he was given up to a local orphanage as a baby. China's one-child policy, enforced from 1979 to 2015, left orphanages filled with healthy baby girls, abandoned by families who desired male children—considered more socially and economically valuable. At 11 months old, Ty’s journey took a hopeful turn when he met his mom, Andrea Tufts, through Open Arms to International Adoption, a Canadian non-profit agency that facilitates adoptions from China. Before they met, Andrea endured two years of waiting, filled with home visits and pictures of the little girl who would soon become her daughter. Along with Andrea, six other families applied to adopt Chinese children, each eager to fulfill their dreams of parenthood. Andrea was no stranger to China, having taught there for a summer and traveled there twice. It was one of her favorite places. After years of anticipation, Andrea finally made her way to China to bring Ty home to Canada. The other families joined her on this life-changing trip, all of them meeting their newly adopted children for the first time. For Andrea, who had never married or had biological children, Ty was her world.  Andrea meets Ty for the first time at the orphanage in China Andrea and her brother, Colin, lived in separate units within a small duplex in Toronto's Danforth area. Ty fondly recalls a childhood filled with love, joy, and adventure. Ty and Andrea traveled the world together, visiting places like Alaska and California. They spent their days baking, watching movies, kayaking, and dancing to the radio—moments that filled their home with warmth. Andrea was always open about Ty’s adoption. She even brought Ty back to China to visit the orphanage where he once lived. Though Ty's memories of China have faded over the years, he kept his Chinese name, Huaiyuan (怀远), as part of his middle name—a tribute to his origins. Colin, Ty’s uncle, became a father figure in his life. They bonded over their love of sports, playing basketball, badminton, tennis, and hockey together. Winters were spent skating, forging a deep and lasting connection between them. Andrea’s Diagnosis  But
life’s joys were met with profound sorrow when Andrea was diagnosed
with terminal cancer. She passed away a year later, leaving
12-year-old Ty devastated. "It was very difficult losing my mom. For
many years, I could barely bring her up in any conversation. I was
dealing with a lot at the time of her death and didn’t start
processing the grief until much later on," Ty reflects.
As he prepared to enter junior high, Ty struggled to balance his schoolwork with the immense grief of losing the person closest to him. He had no coping mechanisms other than suppressing his pain. To help him through this difficult time, his grandmother, Marnie, moved in. With the combined support of Colin and Marnie, Ty once again felt the love and warmth of family. "I Tried to Be Feminine" From elementary through high school, Ty attended all-girls schools, where most students were white and came from upper-class families. In his early years, Ty faced discrimination because of his ethnicity and skin color. Children would taunt him, making slanted eyes or mocking the Chinese language. They also teased him for being adopted by a single mom. But racism wasn’t Ty’s only challenge. He struggled with the school’s strict dress code, which expected students to conform to traditional gender roles. Up until grade nine, girls were required to wear kilts—a rule Ty found stifling. At first, he tried to fit in, growing his hair long and attempting to embrace the feminine role expected of him. "I did feel the need to really fit in, especially at an all-girls school in grade nine. I really conformed. I grew my hair long. I tried to be feminine, get a boyfriend, and do all the things that everyone else was doing," Ty recalls. The pressure to conform caused Ty to hide his true feelings, leading to conflicts with teachers who didn’t understand his behavior. They tried to "fix" him through criticism and detention, rather than creating an inclusive environment. "I Cut My Hair"  Things
started to look up in grade 10 when Ty pushed for a less restrictive
dress code. In grade 11, the school allowed students to wear their
own style of navy blue pants. Marnie and Ty went
shopping for some right away. He began expressing
himself more freely. He cut his hair and adopted a style that felt
true to who he was.
"In grade 10, it was like I couldn’t do it anymore. It wasn’t who I was. So I cut my hair and dressed more the way I wanted to. I did feel different from everyone else," Ty said. "But my friends always supported me, and my family didn’t care about the hair change or things like that." Ty’s friends played a crucial role in his journey of self-discovery. Their unwavering support gave him the strength to embrace his true identity. In grade 10, Ty came out as a lesbian. By grade 12, he had changed his name and began questioning his gender identity. Throughout these changes, his friends stood by him. "Love and Acceptance" Ty attended Wilfrid Laurier University for one semester before transferring to the Video Design and Production program at George Brown College. He came out publicly and decided to transition to male during his first year, gradually becoming more comfortable with his chosen identity. At first, Marnie and Colin had concerns about what the transition would involve. But out of love for Ty, they did everything they could to support him. Marnie, a progressive woman, researched on her own and sent Ty articles she found relevant. Each Valentine’s Day, Marnie made a card expressing her love. She would always include that Ty was her grandson and that she loved him. Colin showed his support through actions, spending time with Ty as one of the guys. They would go out for drinks and bond in new ways. "Even though my transition is now met with love and acceptance, it was overall a quite rocky experience." Ty said. "And sadly, my grandma passed away in 2023." Ty's experience mirrors that of many other transgender and non-binary youth in Canada, who also face a harsh reality. According to a study published in the Journal of Adolescent Health, "Around 41% of transgender students reported significant depressive symptoms, 20% had attempted suicide in the past year, and 46% had self-injured in the past year." "In high school, I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder. Right now, I’m in remission," Ty said. In recent years, Canadian provinces have enacted laws to create safe and welcoming environments for LGBTQ students. However, new amendments and regulations have sparked controversy. In 2023, New Brunswick, Saskatchewan, and Alberta announced changes to their policies, requiring school staff to seek parental consent if a child wished to change their preferred name or pronouns. This has reignited debates about the role of schools and parents in children’s lives. Advocates for LGBTQ youth argue that such policies could put students in danger, forcing them to come out to their parents before they’re ready, potentially causing undue stress and family conflict. Ty has his own concerns about these policy changes, drawn from his experiences. "It can be invasive of the students’ personal space from their parents, especially when they are not ready to tell their family, or their home cannot provide a safe environment for the students to be helped and guided," he said. "Instead of putting enforcement in place, we should focus on how schools and families can work together to offer safety and security for students’ mental and physical development in the long run." Breaking Silence  In
the past year, Ty directed a short documentary called Breaking Silence, focusing on trans
youth in single-sex schools. The film, based on Ty’s friend Cole’s
life with elements of Ty’s own experiences, was selected for the
ImageNation and Playa Del Carmen Queer international film festivals.
It won Best Documentary Short Film at this year's Reel Queer Film
Festival in Arkansas, US.
Cole, like Ty, faced
challenges as a transgender student in an all-girls school. His
parents' response was similar to Ty's family's, but that didn’t stop
him from embracing his true self. "Our experiences brought us
together on the mission to tell our stories through the lens," Ty
said. "We saw it as a way to open up a channel between students and
parents, students and schools, and students and society."
Breaking Silence tells the story of a transgender student’s journey to find their authentic self. The film offers a way for parents to understand and support their transgender children. "It’s a way for parents to look at it and say, ‘I have a transgender child and I’m also confused. But I know I am not alone in it, and same with my child—they are not alone,’" Ty said. The documentary also seeks to spark meaningful dialogue about the future of single-sex schools. It serves as a reminder to schools and lawmakers of the importance of embracing diversity and creating an atmosphere that welcomes all students. When asked what’s next for him, Ty said he wants to create more films about his life experiences. “Right now, I’m working on a new documentary called China’s Sisters. I’m assembling a crew and seeking fundraising opportunities,” he explains. “The film focuses on children adopted by six families and explores concepts of family and the one-child policy, as well as how these six families have stayed together for the past 21 years.” Being different is not a weakness but a unique strength. It allows us to see the world from new perspectives and enriches our lives. "Don’t let society pressure you into being someone you're not," Ty advises. "Stay free." |
